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The Dog Days of Summer

How are you handling the heat? I know it is tough during these last few weeks of summer to maintain sanity as the temperature and the final stretch with the kids can wear on your nerves. Here are a few simple and easy ideas for indoor adventures while you are searching for those ways to beat the heat.

Visit area museums. Most museums have a great children’s area.

Design a scrap book of memories from the summer.

Create a sculpture using junk and recycle items from around the house.

Hang out at a bookstore, let everyone find their favorite book.

Put together a drama, complete with costumes. Video it and send it to family and friends.

Go to the mall and give the kids a few dollars. Have a contest to see who can make their $ go furthest.

Make homemade ice cream.

Search Pinterest to find a recipe to cook together. Make a list of ingredients, shop & bake together.

Have a movie day at home, complete with popcorn, snacks and even tickets and fake money.

Play store, or house, or school.

Develop a puppet show using socks. Decorate with yarn, markers, felt & buttons.

Cut out pictures from magazines, glue them to card board, cut them up and make puzzles.

Skype with  grandparents or distant friends or write letters to them.

What are some of your favorite ideas?

Table Talk

How’s the conversation around your dinner table or in the car? In a distracted culture, we sometimes have to be deliberate about building good healthy conversations as a family. Here are a few questions to get you started. I’ve added questions for little ones to the end of the list.

• If you could start a restaurant, what would it be called and what would be on the menu?
• If you could donate a million dollars to the charities of your choice, to what groups or organizations would you give it?
• If you could take one friend and go on a one week (all expenses paid) vacation, where would you go and who would you bring?
• If you were going to make a movie, who would star in it and what would it be about?
• What would be the title of your autobiography and name some of the highlights?
• Where in this world do you want to visit before you die?
• Describe your dream dinner and who you would invite.
• If you could go back in history, what era or time period would you choose and why?
• If you could be one Bible character who would you be?
• If you had to perform one talent on stage in front of an audience, what would it be?
• If you had two days to go away and relax from all responsibilities what would you do?

Questions for Little Ones:

• Who is your favorite Bible Character?
• Where is your favorite place to visit?
• What animal do you like best?
• Which book do you like to read?
• What do you like to draw? 
• Which color is your favorite?
• Which room do you like best in our house?
• Where is your favorite place to play?
• Name your favorite toy.

For more tips, check out Karol Ladd’s book A Positive Plan for Creating More Fun, Less Whining.

Terrific Travel Tips

No family should attempt an auto trip

 if the kids outnumber the car windows.

Teresa Bloomingdale

            When someone asks me to describe my fondest childhood memories, I always respond with the vacations we took as a family.  Some of you share similar fond memories, while some of you have only horror stories as you recollect those times of family togetherness.  Yes, family travels can be terrific or they can be terrifying.   Although often the unforeseen can arise on a vacation, we still have the ability to take any vacation and make it a great vacation.

            What makes a terrific vacation?  There are three main ingredients to success. It begins with wise planning.  I know that the best laid plans can (or will) go awry, so the next ingredient for terrific vacations is to remain flexible.  The third ingredient for success is a good attitude.  Honestly, it doesn’t really matter where you go, what you do or what happens along the way, if you have these three ingredients you will most likely have a successful trip.

            What?  We don’t need lots of money, first class tickets and a luxury hotel?  No, in fact I know many people that can attest to the fact that extravagance won’t guarantee a good vacation.  The material stuff is not essential.  Even the destination is not all that important.  It’s the preparation, the flexibility and the attitude that make it an enjoyable experience.  Let’s explore how to make it happen.  

Wise Planning

Plan, but don’t over schedule. There is a healthy balance.  Do the research ahead of time to find out what is worth doing, seeing and visiting at your destination.  As much as humanly possible, keep the activities age appropriate (Don’t drag a three year old to ancient artifacts museum and avoid taking a teenager to a children’s playground).  Do your homework via books, magazines, friends and internet.  More importantly as your kids get older, assign the research to them.  This will build their excitement about the trip and help them take ownership of the experience.

Using your research, create a list of opportunities, activities and interests that you can do on the trip.  Have each family member circle one or two activities on the list that they especially want to do.  Instead of scheduling every moment of each day, consider going over your list each morning during breakfast and choose one or two activities to do that day.  This system helps you plan around the weather for that day and takes into account how family members are feeling physically (tired, energetic, sickly).

Plan your destination carefully.  I’ve interviewed many families for this chapter and have heard the good, the bad and the ugly about family vacations.  Two suggestions (or perhaps I should call them warnings) surfaced in my discussions.  One was “Don’t take five kids, stuff them in a car with nothing to do and drive non-stop for six hours.”  This is a prescription for misery for both parents and children whether you are traveling via car or plane.  The other suggestion was, “If you have a wide variance of ages in the family, try to go to a place that has a little something for everyone.”  Let’s tackle both of these warnings with a positive plan.

1.  Make travel time enjoyable.  Perhaps the most effective way to make travel time a success (whether you are on the road or in the air) is to prepare a Travel Goody Bag for each child.  This can be a simple bag of goodies which you hand the kids right before you begin the journey.  Customize the bags to your child’s interests and age.  You will want to include a snack and a small drink, a simple game or book, colored pencils or markers, a journal or coloring book or puzzle book, and perhaps a small toy.  For older kids you may want to give them a favorite CD for their player with earphones! 

Plan to stop along the way.  Do a little research to find out a good restaurant or park or place of interest along the route.  When it comes to kids, your trip will be much more enjoyable if you offer a few bathroom breaks as well as a chance to stretch their legs.  Certain auto clubs like AAA (aaa.com) will help you plan out a trip.

Add some entertainment.  Many families now take their DVD, laptop or video in the car to watch movies the entire way.  I do think movies help the trip go much faster and make the traveling much more enjoyable.  You may want to also include a book on tape (or CD).  I want to encourage you to leave some room for interaction or to talk about the trip itself.  One fond memory that I have is of my mother reading a passage of the Bible to us during car trips.  For younger kids you can have a story hour or even bring a long a puppet for entertainment.

Play a few travel games.  Stimulate the brain and add some family interaction with good ole travel games.  Here are a few to consider

·         ABC Adventure - One family member begins by saying something like, “I’m Anne.  I’m driving in an Automobile, and I’m going to Alabama.”  The next person says a name that starts with a B (like Brittany), traveling in something that starts with a B (like a boat) and going to a destination that starts with a B (Bermuda).  On so on throughout the alphabet. 

·         I Spy (Magazine Version) –  Before the trip tear out pictures from magazines of objects you could possibly see out of the window as you travel (barns, houses, cows, people, planes).  Find 3 or 4 per family member.  Place the pictures face down and allow each person to take several.  When the driver says go, everyone looks at their pictures.  The first person to spy objects that match each of their pictures wins.  You can then scramble the pictures and play again.

·         20 Questions – You start off saying, “I’m thinking of a place.”  A family member responds, “Is it in America?”  Each question demands only a yes or no response.  If you make it through twenty questions and no one had guessed what you are thinking of then you win.  If someone guesses wrong, they are out.  If someone guesses correctly before twenty questions are asked, they become the winner and start a new round.  You can begin with a person, place or thing.

·         Car Trip Sing Along - You may want to bring a sing along tape, or if you are musically talented then you can do it yourself.  Start with some of the kids favorites.  Add in familiar songs from church, camp and patriotic songs.  My favorites are:  “Do your Ears Hang Low,”  “This Little Light of Mine,” and “I’ve Got that Joy, Joy, Joy down in my Heart.”

For more ideas check out Karol Ladd’s book A Positive Plan for More Fun, Less Whining

Casting Off Cares vs. Cuddling Up With Them

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. 

He’s going to be up all night anyway.

Mary C. Crowley

Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

Several years ago we bought a precious puppy.  She was so cute and huggable that my husband and I agreed to allow her to sleep on our bed with us at night.   I probably should mention that our new lovable pooch is an English Mastiff named Abbey.  Now if you know anything about English Mastiffs, you know that they can grow in size to be 150 – 200 pounds.  Abbey currently weighs in at 165 lbs. 

She started off as a sweet little bed mate, but as she grew so did her annoying tendencies like snoring, hogging the covers and waking us up every time she turns over. It’s not so easy to get her out of the bed anymore.  She jumps up while we are asleep, and when we try to get her off she is dead weight.  It’s a constant “bed battle.”

Worry, on the other hand, is a constant “head battle.”  It may start out as a cuddly little care, but if we allow it to linger, it can grow into full blown worry and despair.  Stay vigilant!  Don’t let cares and worries make their home in your head.  Instead begin the practice of casting your cares on Him because he genuinely cares for you!  It’s not a one time thing but rather a continual habit. Refresh your spirit by applying the following three truths:

1.       Be humble, recognizing your need for God.

2.       Continually give your cares, concerns and worries to him through prayer.

3.       Replace your worry with wonder by filling your mind with scripture and truth.

Calming Thoughts

Scripture Reading:  Psalm 30 Psalm 56:3, 4 

Quiet Meditations: 

What are some of the cares in your life right now which you tend to cuddle?

Are you willing to turn them over to God and leave them there, trusting him as your rock and protection?

Think of a scripture or truth with which you can fill your mind when those worries want to creep back into your head.  Write them below.

Personal Prayer:  Loving Father.  I praise you for your care for me.  Thank you for wanting me to bring my concerns and worries to you.  You are willing and able to handle them, much better than me.  I confess that so often I want to hold on to my own worries rather then giving them over to you.  I humbly recognize my need for you.  I give each area of my life over to you.  Help me to rest in the fact that you are good and can be trusted.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

He Gets the Glory

“God is not waiting to show us strong in his behalf, but himself strong in our behalf.  That makes a lot or difference. He is not out to demonstrate what we can do but what he can do.”  Vance Havner

The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you.  If I let all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength.  Therefore, tell the people, ‘Whoever is timid or afraid may leave and go home.’ Twenty-two thousand of them went home, leaving only ten thousand who were willing to fight.  But the Lord told Gideon, “There are still too many!”   Judges 7:2 - 4  

Mom’s Reflection: 

The super-mom syndrome seems to run rampant in our culture.  A super-mom does it all.  She is the protector of her children, the coordinator of the overloaded family calendar, and the all sufficient one to meet her kid’s needs.  The super-mom believes the livelihood and success of her children’s lives depends on her careful planning, preparation and follow-through.  She is self-sufficient.

God calls us to be God-sufficient.  Gideon started out with a super-army, yet God was not looking for the army that could “do it all.”  He wanted a humble army that would look to Him and recognize the victory was found in God, not in self-sufficiency.  He eventually whittled down Gideon’s army to 300 men.  God granted the victory and the honor went to Him.  God isn’t looking for super-moms who can do it all on their own.  He is looking for moms who look to Him for guidance, wisdom, direction and strength.  If super-mom’s kids turn out great, then she gets the glory.  When children are raised under God’s strength and guidance, then the glory is His.

Prayer: 

All sufficient God, I praise you for you are all power and all wisdom.  I recognize that I can’t do it all.  I praise you that you can.  Thank you for loving and caring for my family.  Lead me to be responsible, wise and strong.  Help my children to grow to be well-balanced adults, so that you may be glorified.  Thank you that you are the protector of our family and the guardian of our souls.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

“We are not to think that, where we see no possibility, God sees none.”  Marcus Dods

This is an excerpt from The Power of a Positive Mom Devotional and Journal

Perfect Plan

  “Nothing whatever surprises God; all things that happen are absolutely certain from all eternity because they are all embraced in God’s eternal plan.” J. Gresham Machen

“The truth is that you will be in Babylon for seventy years.  But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.  I will be found by you, says the Lord.  I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.  I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and bring you home again to your own land.”  Jeremiah 29:10 – 14

Encouragement for MOMS

In this passage we see the Lord’s reassurance to His people.  Yes, they were going to go through captivity, but God was letting them know that He would hear their prayers and that He had a great plan for their lives.  We all need reassurance at times, don’t we? Whether we are going through a long term challenge or a short term frustration, there is tremendous comfort in knowing that God has a bigger plan in mind. 

God’s plan is a good one.  I’m sure the Israelites were thinking that seventy years in captivity was not a good plan, but God reassured them that he would give them a future and a hope.  He planned to restore their fortunes and bring them back to their own land.  Dear friend, are you able to trust His plan, even when it doesn’t seem so great at the time?  He assures us that not only does He have a plan, but it’s a good one.  He also assures us that He will listen to our prayers and as we seek Him, we will find Him.  What a powerful message for us and for our families! 

Powerful God, I praise you that you have a good plan for my life.  Praise you that you are able to carry out that plan in your time and in your way.  I trust your love for me.  Thank you for hearing my prayers.  Thank you for the way you work, far beyond what I can see.  Help me to continue to seek your ways all the days of my life.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

 “O Lord, help me not to despise or oppose what I do not understand.”  William Penn

This is a sample from my Positive Mom Devotional which has been given a facelift (new cover) and re-released by Simon & Schuster.

Gardening with Grace

One of the responsibilities my daughter Grace has had this past year is to serve with Baylor University in starting their community garden. What a wonderful experience. The Baylor students help maintain the garden and the produce is given to local food kitchens. In light of visiting Grace this past week, I thought a wonderful theme week to offer you for the coming week would be one based on gardening. How wonderful to encourage our kids to plant, tend and garden. It offers a tremendous opportunity to grow in patience, responsibility and resourcefulness. Depending on the time of year you choose to use this theme week, you will need to research



Activities

Visit a local garden or farm

Take a trip to the nearest Farmers Market and purchase produce

Study and plan out a garden together. Build planter boxes or make preparations.

Shop for seeds and plants together (local nursery or online)

Work with the soil and plant together

Tend and Water each day, create a garden schedule for the kids to help throughout the seasons

Hunt down recipes specifically using fruits and vegetables and create your own family cookbook entitled From the Garden



Books

Recommendations from Elizabeth Kennedy, About.com Guide



Planting a Rainbow
This book is for children four and older, as well as adults, who want to go out and plant a rainbow of flowers after enjoying this book by Lois Ehlert. A mother and child “plant a rainbow,” beginning with bulbs in the fall and seeds and seedlings in the spring, and ending with a beautiful garden of flowers in a veritable rainbow of colors. The book’s striking design and Ehlert’s gorgeous cut-paper collages of flowers make this a particularly appealing book. (Voyager Books, 1988. ISBN: 0152626107)

The Surprise Garden
Three young children plant a “surprise garden,” using seeds of varying shapes, sizes, and colors. Since they don’t know what kinds of seeds they have planted, they have no idea what kinds of plants will grow in their garden. Carefully watering and weeding the seeds, they create a lush vegetable garden and enjoy a bountiful harvest. Shari Halpern’s cut-paper collages of the children cultivating the garden and Zoe Hall’s story will appeal to 3-6 year olds. (Scholastic, 1999. ISBN: 0590100769)

And the Good Brown Earth
Author and illustrator Kathy Henderson’s mixed media artwork adds humor and charm to this picture book for three- to six-year-olds. Joe and Gram plant and cultivate a garden. Gram works methodically while Joe explores and learns, each helped by “the good brown earth.” They dig in the fall, plan in the winter, plant in the spring, weed and water in summer, and gather produce and feast in late summer. The repetition in the text adds to the book’s appeal. (Candlewick Press, 2003. ISBN: 9780763638412)





Crafts

Paint and decorate clay pots or wooden planter boxes

Purchase white garden gloves and decorate them using permanent markers

Paint bushel baskets to use for gathering produce.

Draw up and color the plans for the garden.

Decorate garden stones (large smooth stones to adorn the garden)

Make mosaic squares for stepping or walking through the garden.





Devotionals

John 15:1-5 Our Father is the Gardener, Jesus is the Vine, we are the branches. Abide in Him

Galatians 6:7 We reap what we sow

Matthew 13:1-23 Parable of the four types of soil

Matthew 13:24 – 43 Parable of the Weeds

Psalm 107:37 – They sow their fields

Proverbs 6:19 – A Person who sows discord

Discovering Our Kids Strengths

God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. 

— Romans 12:6

You never know when a moment

and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.

— Zig Ziglar

Mr. Randall drove a garbage truck for a living in his hometown of Peabody, Massachusetts. One day as he was getting ready to empty a trash container, he noticed a Wendy’s soft-drink cup with a contest sticker still attached. The week before he had won a chicken sandwich when he pulled a sticker off a cup, so he was hoping to win some fries or a soft drink this time. Much to Craig’s surprise, he peeled the sticker and found it was worth $200,000, money he could use toward the construction of a new home!

 

A careless person discarded the cup as trash, but Craig saw its potential and found a great treasure in the process. We may not always find the winning sticker in a contest, but we will always be a winner when we are looking for the treasure in people, especially the treasure in our kids. Every person is created with unique gifts, talents, and abilities that are just waiting to be discovered. When we look for the treasure in people, we will never come up empty-handed. The key is that we must be looking for the sparkling gems and shiny gold nuggets in others. As moms, we have the opportunity to look for the treasure within each of our kids, help them discover their one-of-a-kind gifts and talents, and then provide them opportunities to sharpen those abilities.

 

God has given every child unique gifts and talents, and we have the privilege of uncovering and developing them in our kids. Consider the story told of a sculptor named Antonio who chipped away at a huge piece of stone, but eventually decided he couldn’t do anything with it. He pushed the stone aside so he could work on another project. Later, Michelangelo carved from that stone one of the greatest works of all times: the statue of David. Michelangelo was able to see the potential that Antonio didn’t.

 

How do we discover the potential in our kids? Simply by observing them. Plain and simple, as we study their natural bents, we begin to see glimmers of possibilities. The challenge we moms face so often, though, is to not be so focused on what our kids are doing wrong that we miss what they can do right. Certainly we should be on the lookout for times when we must discipline and train our kids, but we also need to be looking for their potential and their gifts.

 

Here are three tools to help you on your treasure hunt:

 

1. Seek God’s Help: As we pray for each of our kids individually, we can ask God to open our eyes to the gifts He has given them.

 

2. Spend Time Together: Never underestimate the power of a little one-on-one time with each of your children. This is an opportunity to hear their unique voice, understand their interests, and begin to see their desires

 

3. Seize Opportunities: Discover ways you can help your kids pursue their interests and develop their talents. As you look for opportunities for your children—ranging from classes to contests to competitions—these experiences not only enhance their skills, but also show them that you believe in them and their ability.

 

 

 

So look for the treasure in each of your children. Not one of them is exactly like you or your husband, and not one of them is exactly like any of their siblings. Each child is a beautiful creation and a treasure chest of abilities, gifts, and talents. Again, build on their unique bent. If they love to draw and create, encourage their artistic side. If they walk around the house singing and dancing, explore their performing arts ability. If they are running around outside, kicking or throwing a ball, build on that. If they love animals, develop that interest. The key to having great expectations for our kids is realizing it’s not all about our great plans for our child, but about God’s great plans and purpose for them, plans that will enable them to use the unique gifts and talents He has given them.

 

This is an excerpt from my book Bright Ideas for Busy Moms (J. Countryman publishers).

 

Story about Mr. Randall

[1] Edward K. Rowell, ed., Fresh Illustrations for Preaching and Teaching: From Leadership Journal(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1997), 148.

Snow and Motherhood

Yesterday I went for a walk in the snow. We had six inches here in Dallas, which is quite an oddity for us. I had to meet a friend and yet was a little concerned about driving, so I decided to put my snow boots on and walk. It was great fun to trudge through the fresh fallen snow. It occurred to me that although the snow brought challenges, it also brought beauty. I had to re-adjust some of my plans a little, but I made it through the snow. In the same way, motherhood has its challenges, but it also has its joys. We may need to re-adjust our plans here and there and forge through some challenges, but there is also great beauty in being a mom.




The point is, we need to focus on the beauty and not on what annoys us. Keep your eye on the fact that God has given you precious young ones and has also given you the significant and important responsibility of raising them. Yes, it will be challenging at times. Put your snow boots on, stop complaining and start focusing on the beauty.



Motherhood makes us into stronger, more self-less and creative women. I must say, I’m a better person because I am a mom. Rise up to the challenge, seeking God’s strength and direction. The apostle James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”



Winter can be glorious. Embrace it! For more thoughts on winterizing your life, sign up for my monthly newsletter on my website: www.karolladd.com or watch my video on facing adversity.

Tiger Mom vs. Positive Mom

Both media and moms are abuzz about the newly released book entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua. In her book, Chua extols the power of parenting the way the Chinese do it through strict, uncompromising values. In her memoir she pits the Chinese style of parenting against what she considers the ineffective and self-indulging Western style of parenting. Granted, we do not want to raise wimpy, self-centered kids, but on the other hand we do not want to create overly-driven, stressed-out perfectionist either. As the author of the Power of a Positive Mom, I have my concerns about Chua’s relentless insistence toward perfection and her demanding (and almost brutal) methods of parenting. Certainly there is a healthy balance.


The goal of a positive mom is to raise kids who grow to be well-adjusted, hard-working adults, who are full of integrity and give back to society. By caring about the hearts and minds of their children, positive moms help their kids learn the worth and value of every individual. A tiger mom may raise over-the-top driven kids who achieve straight A’s, but at what cost? How do we define true success in parenting anyway?

My desire is to raise kids who make a positive contribution to society whether they are at the top of the corporate ladder or serving in the housing projects in Waco, Texas - which is precisely what one of my daughters is doing as the founder of Waco Arts Initiative. My other daughter faithfully volunteers at a Crisis Pregnancy center in downtown Houston while balancing a very active, full-time job. I’m proud of both of my daughters because they are using their gifts and talents with excellence to serve their community in meaningful ways.

Life is not about what I can achieve to perfection or what I can drive my kids to achieve. Life isn’t perfect and neither are people. There is more to life than being at the top. True success is using our gifts and talents to make a positive difference in this world.

God is our Provider

“Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace. It is so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.” Martin Luther

This is a devotional for the mom who needs to know she is not alone. A story of God’s provision.

II Kings 4:1-7: One day the widow of one of Elisha’s fellow prophets came to Elisha and cried out to him, “my husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.” What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?” “Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil,” she replied. And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting the jars aside as they are filled.” So she did as she was told. Her sons brought many jars to her, and she filled one after another. Soon every container was full to the brim! “Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons. “There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing. When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and there will be enough money left over to support you and your sons.”

Mom’s Reflection: What a blessed picture of God’s tender care for His people! The poor widow had nothing but a flask of olive oil (used for cooking, for lamps and for fuel). All that was required of the widow was faith and obedience. God took what little she had to offer and blessed her faithful obedience with overflowing abundance. Think of the testimony this was to her sons as well. Don’t you wonder if they were thinking, “If only we had gone out to find more jars?”

There are many wonderful truths to glean as mothers from this short story. We are comforted to see God’s care for this God-fearing household, and it serves as a reminder that God is our provider as well. Although the widow asked Elisha for help, she also faithfully did as she was told. Faith in God’s provision for us doesn’t mean we sit back and do nothing. He calls us to be responsible and obedient to his direction. Finally we see that the Lord took what little this woman had and multiplied it abundantly. As moms, we may think we have little to offer, but the Lord can take our simple love and desire and multiply it into a blessing for our homes.

From The Power of a Positive Mom Devotional and Journal

How to Raise a Whiner (part 2)

Last week we looked at a humorous approach to how to raise whiners in hopes that we will actually do the opposite of these lessons in our own homes. Here’s a continuation of last week’s blog.


Lesson Three: Grumble and Complain About Your Problems

As we mentioned in the previous lesson, kids learn best if they can watch your own example, so if you really want a bumper crop of complainers you will need to complain on a regular basis. You know the old routine, “This restaurant never gets my food right.” “The music at church is too contemporary.” “The coach doesn’t rotate the players enough.” “The neighbors won’t keep their yard clean.” “The school isn’t training their teachers properly.” “No one is ever sensitive to my feelings.” “If only this or that.”

It’s pretty standard procedure for most of us. Just be sure your kids don’t hear you expressing thankfulness for anything or they may learn gratitude (a definite disadvantage for a whiner). And be very careful that your kids do not pick up on the times when you choose to look at the good in a situation. Then they may begin overlooking negatives and seeking out the positives in a circumstance or a person. By all means don’t let the kids focus on the positives or they may miss the negative stuff altogether.

Lesson Four: Shield them from Difficulties or Pain

Guard your kids carefully so that they never get a difficult teacher or lose a tryout or have a coach who won’t play them on the A team. If your children begin to feel any sort of disappointment or pain, pacify them immediately by buying them something or blaming it on someone else. If you really want to go the extra mile, step in there and yell at the coach or spread rumors about how bad the teacher is and try to get your precious angel moved to another class.

Pain and challenges in a child’s life may lead to qualities such as strength, perseverance and compassion toward others, which are certainly qualities that are unbecoming of a whiner. The old adage of the advantages to learning from “the school of hard knocks of life” is only a crock (at least you need to keep telling yourself that). Getting one’s own way without any challenges or difficulties teaches much more valuable lessons such as the “me first” and “I deserve” attitudes.



Lesson Five: Blame Others

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” This age old concept helps our kids advance to a higher level of complaint and moves them into the category of “I couldn’t possibly be wrong.” Fortunately the blame game allows them to get away with just about anything they want. For example an outburst of anger at the restaurant isn’t little Ashley’s fault, it was the waitress’ fault because she didn’t bring out the right flavor of ice cream. Or “Sammy grabbed the toy out of the other little boy’s hands, but it was because the little kid wouldn’t share it with him.”

Blaming others offers a child an entitlement for whining and delivers it on a silver platter with his or her name engraved on it. The mere hint of personal responsibility would begin to strike at the very core of complaining. Keep that self-centeredness in tact by steering clear of any sort of self-discipline or self-sacrifice. Forgiveness and understanding of other people’s faults is out of the question and would only lead to your child showing kindness or compassion.



After reading these lessons, I hope you are inspired to do quite the opposite and begin pouring positive principles into your children such as thankfulness, responsibility and service. Help your kids begin to look at the good and the hope in each situation and begin by doing it yourself. My hope is that you will raise thoughtful, God-fearing kids rather than whiners. Keep working toward that end with God’s help. The above lessons are from my book, A Positive Plan for Creating More Fun, Less Whining.

How to Raise a Whiner

At this point in my life I haven’t met any parents who actually want their kids to be whiners. Very few people intentionally invite the annoying sounds of “I want…” or the irritating complaint of “Why do I have to?”

So how does it happen? How do well-meaning parents gradually find themselves with sniveling, whining, negative kids? It’s really quite simple. The truth is that whining comes somewhat naturally to us all; we rarely need formal training to add it to our attitude arsenal. On the other hand, it takes determination to raise content kids. By taking the approach of “How to raise a whiner” I hope to help each of us as parents recognize some of the possible ways we inadvertently allow grumbling and complaining to grow in our children.

The tough truth is that whining kids grow into rather unattractive adults. It is not only in your family’s best interest, but in the interest of society at large that you weed the whining from your family garden. Your friends and extended family will be grateful. And of course your kid’s future spouses will thank you too! Here’s a tongue in cheek look at how to grow a good strong grumbler. I’ll start with two lessons this week and then continue with three more in my blog next week.



Lesson One: Give into the Whining

You’ve had a hard day and you just don’t want to hear it any more. It certainly is easier to give into the nagging than to say “no” to your child and deal with the consequences of crying and screaming. So go ahead. Give in. Give him what he wants. It will make it easier for you to give in the next time he whines for something, and that time is probably just around the corner.

Careful now. If in a weak moment you decide to tell your kids “no” or “wait your turn,” they may learn qualities like patience and self-discipline. If your goal is to raise a whiner, those positive qualities will never do. Immediate gratification and giving into desires is what you are after. Your best strategy for raising a whiner is to reason with your little grumbler and eventually give in. It will fortify his resolve to continue his demands, and it will help him develop stronger negotiating and manipulation techniques.



Lesson Two: Scream Back At them

“STOP IT!!! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD!!!! JUST BE QUIET!”

Now your child knows she has your attention! And that’s just what she wanted; your attention. As you scream, your child will temporarily stop whining and you can feel great about weed-wacking the problem, even though the roots of whining are still there. The good news is you have taught your kids two indelible lessons in the process. First you have shown them that screaming is a very powerful tool. There’s a good chance they will follow your example and use the power of a scream next time they want something.

Secondly, the loud attention you give to whining teaches your kids a good solid way to get your attention. Now mind you they don’t consciously plan this out, and they don’t necessarily enjoy your loud screaming, but next time they feel they need your attention they know just how to get it. Whine, whine, whine and boy do you give them your full attention.

This blog was an excerpt from my book, A Positive Plan for Creating More Fun and Less Whining.
Next week we will continue with three more lessons on How to Raise a Whiner.

Everything Can't Taste Like Chocolate Cake

My friend Leslie has a funny saying when it comes to whining and tough times. It began when her daughter Amanda wouldn’t eat her vegetables, but she loved chocolate cake. “Why do I have to eat my vegetables? Amanda would complain.



Finally, in exasperation Leslie said, “Amanda, every food can’t taste like chocolate cake!” The saying stuck, and now their family uses the phrase as a reminder that sometimes life is hard. It can’t always be fun and games. Sometimes we have to do the hard things.



The apostle Paul said, “Do everything without complaining and arguing.” Whining seems to come naturally for our kids. Our goal is to help them pray more and whine less, encouraging them to see the growth and good even in our difficulties. It begins with our own example. Our kids need to observe us choosing to look at the possibilities instead of fretting or complaining.



Next week I’ll share, “How to Raise a Whiner” from my book, A Positive Plan for creating More Fun, less Whining

Helping our Kids Set Goals

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

Anonymous

At an early age I began setting goals. Read my tips for you and your kids at my Positive Mom blog: www.Karolladd.com

Joy for the Season

During the Holidays many of our fondest memories are made in the kitchen as we gather together to bake, eat and fellowship. This month, I'm featuring ideas and activities to do with your kids in the kitchen. Go to my website at: www.Karolladd.com and click on blogs to read my weekly update. Please feel free to post your favorite kitchen ideas here on this blog.

Demonstrating Thanksgiving

Our own example offers the most effective teaching tool when it comes to teaching gratitude to our kids. We can try to pound the lesson of thankfulness into our children's hearts and minds, but when we demonstrate a grateful heart with our words and actions they catch the lesson and keep it. So how do we demonstrate gratitude? Here are three ideas to get you started:

1. Tell your kids how thankful you are for them. That's right, be specific and tell each child several of the qualities you really appreciate about them. It's something our kids need to hear (as opposed to nagging all the time) and they need to experience how it feels to be on the receiving end of kind and grateful thoughts. Although we assume our kids know how thankful we are for them, they need to hear it specifically expressed now and then.

2. Speak in a grateful way about the rest of your family members (that means your husband as well as your extended family). Instead of complaining about aunt Nancy's conversation skills or her awful sweet potato casserole, talk about how thankful you are for her gifts or talents or character qualities. Let's demonstrate to our children how to look for the good in others, rather than what is wrong with people.

3. Take time to stop and thank the Lord for His blessings. When you recognize God has allowed something good to come into your life, take a moment to say, "Kid's I just want to stop and thank the Lord for His kindness." Then ask the kids to join you in prayer as you thank the Lord. Even when things aren't going so perfect, you can always thank God for His presence and His help in time of need. I'm reminded of the story of the ten lepers. Ten were healed, but only one came back to say thank you. I want to be like that one who said thanks.

This week, take some time to allow gratitude to fill your thoughts and hearts and allow it to overflow from your mouth. You are never so beautiful as when you are living a grateful life. Show others what a thankful heart looks like as you celebrate this week with family and friends.
I'm thankful for you! Keep shining His light.

Praying Friends

"Rich is the person who has a praying friend." Janice Hughes

This past weekend I traveled to Eugene, Oregon (home of the #1 ranked U of O Ducks no less) to film a set of videos to go along with my upcoming book entitled A Woman's Secret to Confident Living. It was wonderful to be there with my dear friends at Harvest House Publisher as well as the crew at Chambers Productions.

Filming six videos in one weekend is a task beyond my capabilities, and so I asked a group of friends to pray for me. What a blessing to receive emails and texts and calls from these dear prayer warriors letting me know they were lifting me up before the Father. It gave me encouragement and strength. God so richly answered their prayers.

We all need praying friends. The powerful apostle Paul even recognized his need for prayer. In his letter to the Colossians he wrote, "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ....Pray that I proclaim it clearly as I should."

As we go about the work God has given us, let us not neglect to ask for prayer from our praying friends. We are in a wonderful place when we recognize our need for God, and as we cast our cares upon Him. Instead of saying, "I can do it myself," we ought to humbly proclaim, "Father only by your grace and strength can I accomplish this work." Invite your friends to join into God's work as they pray for you, and you in turn pray for them.

The Beauty of Loyalty

"We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty." G.K. Chesterton.

Loyalty is a rare commodity in today's world. When the going gets tough most people get going. Now and then it is healthy for us to do a loyalty self-check. We can ask ourselves, "Am I loyal to the people in my life through my words and actions." "Do I speak kindly of others behind their back, or do I use my opportunities to tell juicy stories?" "Do I guard my mouth when it comes to my kids and their issues?" Let's be aware of our level of loyalty and ask the Lord to help us guard our mouths and only use our words to be kind and build up others. Our kids learn how to be a loyal friend as they watch our kindness in action.

"There is one element that is worth its weight in gold and that is loyalty. It will cover a multitude of weaknesses." Philip Armour